Assessment

When you first contact Couples In Step for marriage counseling you will be asked to commit to an assessment and treatment planning process. This involves:

• a joint session
• an individual session for each of you
• completion of a packet of inventories (this will take each of you 1-2 hours to complete)
• a feedback/goal setting session.

Treatment

Usually, the first treatment goal is restoring the marriage friendship in order to decrease the loneliness each of you feels in the relationship. Years of distance and isolation may make trust a challenge.

Where open hostility and anger is a major problem, learning to recognize and manage the intense emotion is a priority treatment issue. You will learn how to calm yourself before your emotions hijack you and ruin any chance of a productive discussion between you and your partner.

If a recent affair is the presenting issue, the first sessions focus almost exclusively on containing the chaos each of you feels. I will help you deal with feelings of betrayal, ambivalence, curiosity about the affair partner, as well as conflicting and fluid emotions. Sometimes the intense feelings requires scheduling a number of sessions close  to each other in time.

Many couples are tempted to stop treatment as soon as things get a bit better. This is not wise because at this point the work of weaving a long lasting relationship begins.

Treatment benefits
As you learn to manage the overwhelming emotions that are part of recognizing your marriage is in trouble, you will begin to have success negotiating your way through situations that used to end in anger or isolation.  

Video

You will be asked to duplicate the interactions you have at home in your therapist’s office. Videotapes of these interactions will be used for instruction and skill development.


Benefits of  video playback
Reviewing your interactions on video will help you understand the patterns your therapist wants you to pay attention to. While the first few video playbacks feel awkward and artificial, most couples quickly become accustomed to being videotaped and learn to appreciate the visual and audio feedback.

Relapse prevention

No marriage counselor can guarantee that a successful course of marriage therapy will mean you and your partner will never again run into marriage problems. However, good marriage therapy does focus, from the beginning, on helping the two of you develop positive rituals to talk about concerns, rituals for fun and relaxation, and for stress management.

Benefits of relapse prevention
Having a "toolbox" of activities that will help your relationship flourish after therapy is reassuring.

Homework, couple/individual sessions

Your therapist will give you take-home assignments that reinforce skills you learn during therapy sessions.

Most treatment will take place in couple sessions. Occasional individual sessions may also be helpful.

Benefits of homework and couple sessions
Couples who do therapy homework spend less time in therapy.
Couple sessions compel partners to overcome the temptation of trying to resolve issues by talking solely with the therapist instead of their partner.

Session length, frequency, and duration of treatment

75 minute couple sessions are recommended at Couples In Step. While 50 minute couple sessions are possible, they are a less efficient use of time. Individual sessions are 50 minutes.

At first sessions are weekly. After two to four months  bi-weekly sessions are possible. Whatever the frequency of sessions, couples should always reserve ninety minutes a week for relationship work. Your therapist will have plenty of suggestions for structuring this time. After two to four months of bi-weekly sessions marriage counseling may move to every three weeks or less.

Length of marriage counseling depends on several factors, including how long you waited to start counseling after recognizing there was a problem, the depth of hurt each partner has suffered in the marriage, how willing you are to be vulnerable, and so on. Couples seeking to resurrect their marriage from the aftermath of an affair will need extra time in therapy.

Most couples experience a great deal of improvement in their relationship after 10 to 20 sessions.

Benefits of frequent 75 minute sessions followed by   less frequent sessions
75 minute sessions are long enough to air issues, teach couples skills and strategies, and practice them.  It is difficult to squeeze all three components into a shorter session.

Dropping session frequency from weekly to bi-weekly and then to tri-weekly prevents excessive dependence on the therapist and pushes couples to practice the skills learned during counselling.

Ending marriage counselling

You are ready to end marriage counseling when you

• can successfully process a marital fight
• can discuss difficult topics
• regularly share life dreams and stresses with each other
• feel secure in your marital friendship
• recognize and act on the early signs of increasing distance from each other.

You will benefit from a tune-up session every four to six months for a year or two after regular marriage counselling stops.

Now...

For more information or to schedule an appointment you can email or call Couples In Step at 416-459-0956.

Now that you know the various components that go into the marriage counselling process at Couples In Step read some Couples In Step success stories.