From a letter received at Couples In Step

“…the affair had happened a number of years ago and (my husband ) and I have worked very hard to repair our marriage. But I felt so guilty, and he just couldn’t get the picture of me and his best friend out of his mind. I was kind of skeptical when (our counsellor) told us about EMDR and suggested we talk to you. After first talking to you I was still pretty skeptical. But (my husband) wanted to go ahead.

…anyway the first few sessions I couldn’t tell the difference really. And then one day after one of your meetings he told me he thought the ‘spell’ had finally broken. He was right. He's really different now. The flashbacks have stopped. We still have a lot of problems to work through but we’re not stuck anymore… We’ve made more progress in the last month of counselling with our counsellor then we did the last 8 months or so…

…So thanks a lot, and I hope you can help lots of people with that EMDR.”

Aleana: Not responsible for her Dad's death

Aleana met with Irene when she was in her mid twenties. She complained of depression, crying spells, and overwhelming feelings of guilt.  Aleana said that she had been depressed for many years. She’d had counselling before but it hadn’t been very helpful.

Aleana’s father had died from cancer when she was 13. One day he and Aleana argued about her wanting to stay out late. That same night he died. Since that time Aleana felt responsible for his death. She told no one how she felt responsible because she was too frightened that she would be blamed. Besides as the days and months and years passed Aleana wanted to be strong for her mother’s sake. But inside she felt deeply guilty.

Around age 17 Aleana finally told her mother about the argument she and her father had had the night before he died and how she was sure that she was responsible for her dad’s death. Her mother was distressed Aleana had felt this way all these years and reassured Aleana, not just once but many times in the years following, that she was not responsible for her dad’s death. Even though Aleana knew it was irrational for her to feel responsible for her dad’s death she couldn’t shake the guilt and the depression.

Like many people who hear about EMDR Aleana was doubtful that EMDR could be helpful. However she agreed and after two sessions of EMDR Aleana was no longer depressed. Her guilt feelings were no more and instead she was able to reflect lovingly on the memories she had of her father. But Aleana wasn’t convinced that EMDR had been helpful. Though she was symptom free she scheduled a follow-up session for six weeks later. To her delight her gains held. Instead of talking about her father Aleana spent the time talking about her up-coming wedding plans, and her career development!

Rainer: Able to drive again

Rainer’s son was an excellent soccer player who had been invited to Chicago for the September long weekend to play soccer. Rainer had told his son that he couldn’t participate because he didn’t want to drive to Chicago. June, Rainer’s wife, blew up. She knew the real reason for Rainer refusing his son permission to go to Chicago. She insisted that Rainer deal with his ever-increasing driving phobia.

Rainer told how during the last few years he had become increasingly afraid of driving; first of driving in the winter, then in any kind of precipitation and more recently he had started avoiding long trips in case the weather would turn bad. He was concerned that there might be thunderstorms on the drive to Chicago. Ranier also relayed that in the last six months he had declined two business trips to San Francisco because he didn’t want to drive along the city bridges.

In his late twenties when he was a youth group leader Ranier had on two occasions been responsible for driving groups of young people to an event hundreds of miles away.  Each time there had been a severe winter storm. Ranier vividly recalled how afraid he had been during those two trips. The trips went well but Ranier noted that since that time he had always been hyper-vigilant during winter driving.

Prior to Ranier’s birth, while his mother was carrying him, there had been an auto accident in which Ranier’s three year old brother had died. Ranier didn’t know many of the details because his parents never wanted to talk about this time. Ranier himself didn’t think that this long-ago accident was at all connected to his current driving phobia.

Ranier agreed to EMDR and the first target he chose was the worst of the two winter trips from his youth leader days. During the processing Ranier spontaneously began to think and talk about his brother’s death. It was as if “memories” of the accident his brother had been killed in surfaced. Of course Ranier had not yet been born so Ranier’s “memories” were not the stuff usually equated with memory. This segment of EMDR processing was emotional and difficult for Ranier. It took a number of sessions before Ranier felt calm about that long-ago event before his birth.

Along with the calm Ranier felt about that long ago event Ranier also felt calm about current driving. He reported how he had driven home in an unexpected summer storm without even thinking of his fear until he was parked in his garage. He took his son to Chicago for soccer and he began taking business trips to San Francisco again without any problem.

Now...

You may wish to read more success stories. Or you may wish to learn more about Couples In Step therapist Irene Oudyk-Suk.

For more information or to schedule an appointment you can email or call Couples In Step at 416-459-0956.